Sitting By the Fire In Hospice

 Michael Sedano

Barbara has entered In-home Hospice Care. 

She has lived through Alzheimer's Dementia as well as she could, like she did everything. Took everything it had to throw at her, held her head up and her back strong against the battering from her world.

She won't sit by the fire, I'll be the one thinking of the glad look her eyes once had, the joy she invested in having people around for every big festive event.

Over these past few days, Barbara's had people around for the biggest event. Barbara's first teacher colleague hobbled into the room with her own caregiver. The first couple Barbara and I had dinner with when I got back from overseas spent time with us. Carolyn returned the next day to sit Vigil for hours with her friend from so long ago when they and we were so damned young.

My friends, I'm sorry you suffer for us. Your eyes mix fear, pain, sorrow, knowledge. Not long.

Our friends smile and hold up their heads to support their friend Barbara. We sit around the hospice bed and remember the funny things, the great loving good times. I know that they get into their cars and break down in tears at what they've seen.

It's best we remember the funny times.
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Hospicing

No fear here. I phoned the agency recommended by the Dementia Daycare manager. "I need her evaluated for hospice."

A couple hours after that morning call, a nurse arrives, does a thorough physical inspection of Barbara's bruises and respiration and vitals. He's on the phone to an MD who writes the Rx for hospice care. Our own doctors are out of the picture now.

Later that day, the durable medical equipment arrives: the bed, supplies like gloves, diapers, wipes, a table, a wheelchair, an Oxygen concentrator. Shortly after these, a pharmacy driver delivers medications that include Morphine. (Barbara rarely speaks but her face furrows in pain. All hospice "care kits" contain it.)

Every three days a nurse visits, goes through the examination routine, photographs Barbara's fading bruises, communicates with one of two MD. The nurse quizzes me, gives me advice, leaves.

There's no time-off for me. If there's a service called "respite care" with 24 hour people, I don't qualify. I have a caregiver/housekeeper for a few hours twice a week and that will be my only respite time.

The constant stress and absence of respite aside, Hospice is an easy process for me. It's a business for the hospice agency. They have staff, an SOP, a checklist, a phone number. 

When Barbara dies, I won't call first responders. The Hospice agency has the datos. There's a hole in a wall at Riverside National Cemetery for Barbara. She'll wait for me there.
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So it comes to this for me and Barbara. In a few days, Memory will be all that remains. It's best to remember the fun, and smile.