Saturday, December 28, 2013

What Nice Santas gave this year

What did you get for Xmas? I got a hi-tech ergo chair that will delay the gout and lumbar damage that comes from too many hours on the computer. I also got chingos of stuff in my stockings. Here's a sampling:

Santa Junot Díaz put this in my calcetín:
At LatinaLista, you can read what happens when two Mexican-American primos in San Jose, California become Latino superheroes--the stars of their own comic book series!
Aztec of the City follows the brave exploits of the two cousins as they defend and protect their city from evil forces in the year 2019. A bi-national effort, the comic book series’ illustrator, lives in Mexico while the writer is based in San Jose, California. Read more, including about ordering it.

From Spec Santa Thea Hutcheson into my stocking:
A Denver spec writer and friend of mine won the Apex Publications Christmas Flash Fiction contest, I mentioned earlier. Thea Hutcheson's 1-page story Stockings Hung on the Hearth is a great piece of emo. Read it to your guests and kids.
A Santa judge in AridZona put this in our progressive calcetín:
The notorious immigrant-hating sheriff, Joe Arpaio lost a court case and Justice won out. From the article, New Times blog Co-Founders Win $3.75 Million Settlement for 2007 False Arrests:
"The New Times blog co-founders announced that they will use the settlement proceeds to "help those who fight the good fight against government actors who attack the most vulnerable among us." Included in this list of recipient organizations are the Arizona ACLU, the Florence Project, and Puente. A contribution also will be made to the Electronic Frontier Foundation to help protect Internet free speech."

Now that you know the money will go to good causes, read the whole outrageous story about Arpaio's idiocy that gave the bloggers the money on a plata plato.

From Santa spec author Alex Shvartsman:
This is for Latino, and other, writers just breaking into publishing, especially spec. Shvartsman described two publishing sources that he (and I) recommend. Check these out for 2014 opportunities for getting your fiction published. He explains why:

"This is a quality magazine that is extremely supportive of diverse voices as well as new authors. They began to pay professional rates and are now holding a subscription drive in order to continue to publish and to pay writers fairly in 2014. Click for more details.

The Submission Grinder        
"The fine folks at Diabolical Plots have created an excellent alternative service called The Grinder, committed to keeping it free for everyone. While the Grinder is new and does not yet have the volume of users of Duotrope, they are growing fast and a much greater percentage of their users are neo-pro SF/F writers, and so the data for markets is generally as reliable or more reliable than Duotrope, even with fewer people reporting. They constantly update the site, introduce new and innovative features, and are extremely open to feedback. All in all, I am very thankful for the service they have provided to the SF/F writing community this year, and I encourage those of you who can afford it to kick in a few bucks and those who cannot to support them by uploading your submissions data, therefore improving the accuracy of their database."

From Santa City of Denver

I can't smoke dope and write fiction, except for free-verse nonsensical prose that's indecipherable the following morning. But for those free-spirits and others needing mind-expanding or medicinal assistance, a dozen retail marijuana shops were approved to open next week. Find out about the first unrestricted, publically approved mota locations since this land was taken from the indios.

From Santa Voodoo Doll:
When my wife and I were in Portland this year, we didn't get in the long lines at this over-the-top-American-excess shop. But now we can do it in Denver. This place is on Sedano's gluten kill-list, but if you can get an okay from your cardiologist, here's some of the terminal offerings:
My favorite, the Bacon Maple Bar doughnut - raised yeast doughnut with maple frosting and bacon on top!
Other questionable items include the Loop doughnut - raised yeast doughnut with vanilla frosting and Fruit Loops;
the Triple chocolate penetration doughnut - chocolate cake doughnut with chocolate frosting and coco-puffs; the Diablos Rex doughnut - chocolate cake doughnut with chocolate frosting, red sprinkles, vanilla pentagram and chocolate chips in the middle and the Mexican Hot Chocolate doughnut - the Chocolate Cake doughnut dusted in cinnamon sugar and cayenne pepper!
With the Tex-Ass Challenge doughnut, you can skip your next blood-pressure test: Giant Doughnut equals 6 dougnuts. If you eat this in 80 seconds or less, you get your money back! [But not with your arteries cleared.]

From Santa Esquire Magazine:
If your familia gatherings also gave you a flu or cold, you might check out this guide "for getting fkd up on over the counter medicine for as long as is socially and medically acceptable.
"Theraflu - This stuff is incredible. While the daytime stuff surely will do a number on your cold or flu, the nighttime stuff sends you on a wild goose chase of drug-induced joy that will make you feel as if you're living in the soundtrack to the movie Drive.
"Airborne - Completely doesn't work. Might as well just hand someone $8 and tell them to slap you in the face with it. ZICAM has a cool name and works really well for about an hour before completely giving up.
"Chicken Soup - What could be better than a nice hot bowl of nutritious and wholesome chicken soup to make you feel better? A lot of things. Most of them are available over the counter. Save your soup for when you want to write a dystopian novel by candlelight. 
"Cold-Eeze has Zinc in it. You know what else has Zinc in it? Nickels. Eat a bag of nickels.
"Vicks - Do you like having a chest that smells like a permanent marker?
"Alka Seltzer Plus - Plop plop, fizz fizz, say hello to at least two hours of relaxation.
"Hot Toddy - two shots of whiskey (floating in as much hot water) masquerading as a seasonal beverage. The water keeps you hydrated, while the whiskey gets you drunk enough to forget you have the flu."
Read the entire list that doesn't pretend to be of any medical value. 

Al final: I'm sticking these in Manuel Ramo's calcetín as follow-up to his Writer Wisdom post from yesterday; they are not of my making:
"A ticket to the writing game is a box seat in a stadium of self-doubt."
"If you’re not your own best editor, someone else will come along with a dull blade."

Es todo, este año,


Nancy Reil Riojas said...

Rudy, instead of George Lopez, they should have given that airtime to you! No doubt you'd still be there.

Nancy Reil Riojas said...

Rudy, instead of George Lopez, they should have given that airtime to you! No doubt you'd still be there.