Saturday, December 15, 2007

Doce días de mis Krismas


Okay, it's a day late, but since there has yet to appear an overwhelming opposition to this more-or-less annual La Bloga tradition, I will again post the dreaded Spanglich version of "Doce días de mis Krismas", in as many days.

In deference to regular La Bloga contributors, each short installment will be posted below their assigned daily post, so if you for whatever silly reason, wish to keep following the breathtaking momentum of this comedic attempt at capturing the Chicano Krismas spirit, you'll only be able to partake of them after checking out the regular post. As always, let us know how these move you, even if it's in the direction of repulsion. To play catch-up, below we begin with the first two installments.

Doce días de mis Krismas
the Spanglich version
Esa's voice in red; Ese's voice in black

On the 12th día 'til mis Krismas,
My true love gave to me,
12 numbers numbing ...

"What? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, Cariño. Why do you ask?"
" 'Cause it's always something when you call me that."
"Not this time, Cariño."
"Oh, okay."
"By the way ..."
"Qué ching--"
""... Cariño, you did remember to get my numbers, qué no?
"Tus num--"
"My lotto numbers--my 2 winning tickets. Today's the drawing, and I need that 50 mill. I gotta get presents, get mis uñas done and there's that bingo tomorrow. I'm just feeling lucky."
"You must not be feeling lucky 'cause it sounds like you forgot! Uh, bobo?"
"What happened to cariño?"
"Same chingada that's gonna happen to you if my numbers come up!"
"But Cariña, I--"
"And if you forgot, Ese, you get nada de lucky from this cariña--that will be tus Krismas."
"But, but--"

On the 11th día 'til mis Krismas,
My true love gave to me,
11 peppers pepping ...

"Honey, Esa ..."
"Ahora, qué quieres?"
"I want you mi corazón."
"Did you stop at that preppie tequila bar, otra vez?"
"No, mi muñeca magnifica."
"Then why you calling me those names?"
"Because of my infinite adoration for you."
"Did you eat?"
"Amor, I didn't have--"
"That's what I thought. There's frijoles you can microwave, and there's still that chile mi 'amá brought over."
"You speaking ill of my mom's cooking?"
"Nunca, mi flor encantada, it's just that--"
"Just that you're a huevón when it comes to eating real chile, huh?"
"Perhaps you'd consider whipping--"
"You, maybe?"
"No, mi estrellita lindísima, I just thought--"
"You just thought you could come in late bien pedo and sweet-talk me?"
"I thought you might find it in your heart--"
"This heart's tired from cleaning up after your marrano friends' poker game last night."
"But I thought you agreed--"
"I tell you what I agree. I agree I won't tell your macho friends what an aguitado you are about chile and you ..."
"Anything you say, mi mariposa mas luminosa que ..."

[Continued on Day 10.)
© Rudy Ch. Garcia


Anonymous said...

Rudy G... you again brought the true meaning of Krismas back to where it belongs "en el chante". I could hardly contain myself when reading your masterful "Dose dias de mis Krismas", please hurry and give us more!

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear it at least twanged the heart of one soul this time.
I can hardly take the credit for however masterful it is: it draws a lot on the lives of a couple of Cheech-&-Chong-type oil workers I heard about.

Anonymous said...

RudyG...keep it comming. It brings me back to days passados. I'm passing it on.