Chicanonautica: Demonic Possession in Arizona Politics

by Ernest Hogan

The only thing that changes in Arizona politics is that it keeps getting more grotesque. New politicians repeat the same clichés over and over. And of course, these being copies of copies of copies, they get distorted . . .  Newbies puke out the same old bullshit about abortion, taxes, traditional values, and of course, all those Mexicans sneaking across the border.

One guy has NO TRESPASSING—VIOLATORS WILL BE PROSECUTED on his campaign signs. Another is out to STOP CRITICAL RACE THEORY. Still another is claims that abortion is a Satanic ritual. And the name Trump keeps manifesting.

This kind of rhetoric has been getting hacks elected in Arizona for generations and is what got Trump into the White House.

It doesn’t seem to be worthwhile to learn the new names, except to know who to vote against.

One, however, is standing out: Kari Lake, the new Republican candidate for governor. 

Arizonians know her as a former Fox-affiliate news anchor, which translates to an attempt to put a pretty face on an ugly corporation. I only remember her face. She was usually smiling. Damned if I can remember anything she ever said.

She left that job “100% my choice. Fox did not want me to leave, nor did they ever ask me to leave,” according to the Phoenix New Times, and became a Trump zombie; her official campaign site repeats the same old song.

I was hoping to find some juicy quotes showing her take on things, but alas, originality is not her strong suite. While Colorado Representative Lauren Boebert comes up with stuff like “AOC, Warren, and the rest of the Genocide Squad will not rest until every baby in America is at risk,” Lake says things like: “I believe President Joe Biden is President Joe Biden just like O. J. (Simpson) is innocent,” which sounds like it was churned out by a defective AI.

Still, Lake won the Republican candidacy for governor in the recent primary, with 48.0% of the vote. It was a hard-fought race, with Karrin Taylor Robson, a Pence ally, getting 43.2%.

There was a Latinos for Karrin Taylor Robson page on Facebook, but knowing conservative, Republican Latinos, there’s no telling who they’ll vote for.

And to quote Lake again, “The establishment-side of the GOP is dying. This is Trump's GOP.”

On the Democratic side, Katie Hobbs won her primary by 72.3%.

And now Lake has said that Hobbs’ not believing that the 2020 election was stolen is “disqualifying” and “sickening.” I wonder if she loses, is she going to claim that this election was stolen from her?

If that weren’t all, Lake has called for Arizona to secede from the United States of America. “We must fire the Federal Government,” she has said.

This is horror movie stuff here. It’s as if demonic entities are possessing Republican politicians. Or perhaps a mutant variant of the Ophiocordyceps fungus has infected these poor folks with spores, sending tendrils into their brains, forcing them to go around spreading the infection. Maybe a mass exorcism is in order.

When I recently passed through Payson, Arizona, the Republican Headquarters was flying the American flag upside down. Some kind of emergency is going on.

But, there’s probably nothing to the rumor that Kari Lake can turn her head around 350 degrees . . .

Ernest Hogan once wrote a story in which Arizona seceded from the Union. He hopes he was not being prophetic.