Michael Sedano
Barbara has entered In-home Hospice Care.
She has lived through Alzheimer's Dementia as well as she could, like she did everything. Took everything it had to throw at her, held her head up and her back strong against the battering from her world.
She won't sit by the fire, I'll be the one thinking of the glad look her eyes once had, the joy she invested in having people around for every big festive event.
Over these past few days, Barbara's had people around for the biggest event. Barbara's first teacher colleague hobbled into the room with her own caregiver. The first couple Barbara and I had dinner with when I got back from overseas spent time with us. Carolyn returned the next day to sit Vigil for hours with her friend from so long ago when they and we were so damned young.
My friends, I'm sorry you suffer for us. Your eyes mix fear, pain, sorrow, knowledge. Not long.
Our friends smile and hold up their heads to support their friend Barbara. We sit around the hospice bed and remember the funny things, the great loving good times. I know that they get into their cars and break down in tears at what they've seen.
It's best we remember the funny times.
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Hospicing
No fear here. I phoned the agency recommended by the Dementia Daycare manager. "I need her evaluated for hospice."
A couple hours after that morning call, a nurse arrives, does a thorough physical inspection of Barbara's bruises and respiration and vitals. He's on the phone to an MD who writes the Rx for hospice care. Our own doctors are out of the picture now.
Later that day, the durable medical equipment arrives: the bed, supplies like gloves, diapers, wipes, a table, a wheelchair, an Oxygen concentrator. Shortly after these, a pharmacy driver delivers medications that include Morphine. (Barbara rarely speaks but her face furrows in pain. All hospice "care kits" contain it.)
Every three days a nurse visits, goes through the examination routine, photographs Barbara's fading bruises, communicates with one of two MD. The nurse quizzes me, gives me advice, leaves.
There's no time-off for me. If there's a service called "respite care" with 24 hour people, I don't qualify. I have a caregiver/housekeeper for a few hours twice a week and that will be my only respite time.
The constant stress and absence of respite aside, Hospice is an easy process for me. It's a business for the hospice agency. They have staff, an SOP, a checklist, a phone number.
When Barbara dies, I won't call first responders. The Hospice agency has the datos. There's a hole in a wall at Riverside National Cemetery for Barbara. She'll wait for me there.
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So it comes to this for me and Barbara. In a few days, Memory will be all that remains. It's best to remember the fun, and smile.
18 comments:
You are both loved.
It's difficult to find the words, Michael. What can one say? Your tribute to dear Barbara is beautiful and heartfelt; I feel such sadness for what you and she are going through, and yet, I feel inspired by your devotion and kindness. While such love exists, there is still hope in this world.
Lucrecia Guerrero
Michael, thank you for sharing this intimate moment. May the memories be filled with fun and smiles. Much love to you and Barbara.
You are an amazing husband , caregiver, & chronicler , Michael. We’ve all learned a lot about true love as we read your blogs. Many blessings for you and Barbara.
My thoughts are with you both. Sending love.
You have shared this continuing story with your friends and readers, and there is not a soul among them who doesn't wish you and Barbara love and the blessing of peace during this part of your journey.
🙏🏼 May there be much grace for you both. Love endures.
Many hugs, Em
Holding you in my heart, Michael. May you find comfort in thr loving memories.
Hermano EM. I just went through hospice with my dear mama. My heart bonds with yours as the passing to spirit of loved ones, has no preparation. No respite. There was a certain strange peace, that quelled the flood of emotions that turned my breath to tears, smiles, sorrows and reminiscent joy. Mama Maria passed on January 25th, an expression of supreme peace upon her face. Hospice was the clarion call that brought her loved ones to her side. Those last 10 days, she was at her home for the spirit transition in accordance with her last wish, never alone. Surrounded by the adoration her life had engendered. All at once I feel the void of her physical presence on earth, cradled in the love she never ceases to give. Marica de Jesus Acosta, Presente! Amor Eterno.
My heart bleeds for you, brother. There is nothing more to say other than I respect your strength to share your trials and tribulations with readers. It allows us a little space to grieve with you, to let you know many of us are standing, spiritually and emotionally, by your side. Suerte
Thank you for posting this Daniel it was beautiful.
That you can be with her is what matters, Mike. Death comes on her own time, in her own way. Our hearts are with you as you are with her.
Such a sweet window you have shared.
I offer love to you and to Barbara. Shortly before my mother passed I shared a story that had a punchline. Her eyes never opened, but there was the faintest smile on her face. That was our last exchange. It was a good one. My dad loved music. Before he passed I shared music with him. It was good. Amor eterno.
You found the perfect words.
Thank you for sharing Barbara with us. Thank you for being a great model of love.
Fuerte abrazo. Hoping the village circles the wagons, to help you through the next toughest steps in any way possible. Your lovely 'Gracie' has always been in the best, loving hands. I'm sorry for this hard, hard part where the only option is to go right through the middle. Heart Hugs to you both, amigo.
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