Showing posts with label Sherman Alexie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sherman Alexie. Show all posts

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Thunder Boy Jr.



Written by Sherman Alexie
Illustrated by Yuyi Morales

  •             Age Range: 5 - 8 years
  •             Grade Level: Preschool - 3
  •             Hardcover: 40 pages
  •             Publisher: Little, Brown Books for Young Readers (May 10, 2016)
  •             Language: English
  •             ISBN-10: 0316013722
  •             ISBN-13: 978-0316013727


Thunder Boy Jr. is named after his dad, but he wants a name that's all his own. Just because people call his dad Big Thunder doesn't mean he wants to be Little Thunder. He wants a name that celebrates something cool he's done, like Touch the Clouds, Not Afraid of Ten Thousand Teeth, or Full of Wonder.

But just when Thunder Boy Jr. thinks all hope is lost, he and his dad pick the perfect name...a name that is sure to light up the sky.

National Book Award-winner Sherman Alexie's lyrical text and Caldecott Honor-winner Yuyi Morales's striking and beautiful illustrations celebrate the special relationship between father and son.


Reviews

* "An enchanting and humorous picture book....This has all of the qualities of a classic story like Goodnight Moon and is destined to be a modern classic, with youngsters wanting repeated readings."School Library Journal, starred review

* "Even if little one don't pick up on the cultural significance, they'll be entranced by the brilliant illustrations and Thunder Boy's rollicking determination to branch out on his own."Booklist, starred review

* "Echoes of Alexie's The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian resonate in this vibrant first-person tale....Thunder Boy's energy is irresistible, as is this expansive portrait of a Native American family."Publishers Weekly, starred review

* "Despite the dad-pleasing message, the book is too funny and real to veer into parental self-congratulation, and Morales's illustrations give great life and specificity to Thunder Boy's Lightning's family."Horn Book, starred review



Saturday, July 25, 2015

"Going Indian" in some ways


Chicanos, puertoriqueños, domicanos, cubanoamericanos--many of us consider ourselves mestizos, part Native American, even when we aren't sure which tribe to trace our ancestry to.

My family history is filled with memories of Tarahumara, Yaqui and even Aztec ancestors, though I may never learn what's true.

Reclaiming and resurrecting our native heritage play a large role in the children's and Young Adult literature I write, however much my works are hodgepodges of native lore. I do this believing that the salvation of our species--not only our country--will can only come from reconnecting to past ways that respected many forms of life that are disrespected by modern society.

Here are a few news items that make me wish my mestizo half was more pronounced and ingrained. And evidence of why to go Indian.

A lifelike violent video game

"Ehdrigohr, designed over the course of several years by black, American Indian game designer Allen Turner, Ehdrigohr filters Dungeons and Dragons-style roleplaying experiences through a distinctly Native cultural lens rather than a European one.

"There is violence and conflict in Ehdrigohr, but only in the sense that human beings are victims of a violent world. The game as a whole is far more focused on finding exciting challenges and hashing out interesting solutions, and there’s an inherent beauty in how people persevere peacefully in spite of the struggles they face.

"Later, the players face off against a Shiver, a shadowy monster that can't be killed by a sword. Instead of attacking their bodies, it attacks their minds, trying to capitalize on their insecurities and manipulate them into giving up. The mental strain takes its toll, but they are able to repel and destroy it through sheer strength of will. In over a decade of playing roleplaying games, I've never had an experience quite like that."

Sherman Alexie's Young Adult sci-fi novel

From NPR"Call me Zits." It's not quite as memorable as call me Ishmael, but arresting nonetheless. The 15-year-old narrator of Sherman Alexie's novel, Flight, is half Native American, half Irish. He's never seen his father. His mother died when he was six, and he shuttled through dozens of neglectful and abusive foster homes.

"So Zits is a little, shall we say, angry. He finds himself in the middle of a bank, about to gun down random customers when he's transported through time and space before coming back as himself in the end."

Stephen Graham Jones. Because.

I recently received a copy of The Faster Redder Road by Stephen Graham Jones, of the Blackfeet tribe. On his website, he lists "15.5 novels, 6 story collections, 220-odd stories, 1 PhD, and way too many boots."

That's as intimidating to me as the 408 pages in this collection from UNM Press. I'm not done reading it, but I wish … the publishers had put out a two-volume edition instead of one. I wish … the type was bigger. I wish ... I could read faster. I wish … Jones wasn't so prolific, no, call it, fertile. The man's not Blackfeet, not human, he's a literary geyser.

From UNM:
"This collection showcases the best writings of Stephen Graham Jones, whose career is developing rapidly from the noir underground to the mainstream. The Faster Redder Road features excerpts from Jones’s novels—including The Last Final GirlThe Fast Red Road: A PlainsongNot for Nothing, and The Gospel of Z—and short stories, some never before published in book form."

Reservation children stolen from their families

"This is probably one of the most depressingly heart-wrenching photos I've ever seen. Native American children taken from their families and put into school to assimilate them into white society. the slogan for this governmental campaign, 'kill the Indian to save the man'. No official apology has ever been issued." [from Sunny A Redcloud's FB page

Neo-Aztec cradle for new nieto

My word-working attempt of going Indian.


A driving joke, from the rez

A man and woman are driving on the same road. They pass each other.
The woman yells out the window, “Pig!”
The man yells at her, “Bitch!”
He rounds next curve.
Crashes into a huge pig in the middle of the road. And dies.
Thought for the day: If only men would listen....

My favorite mestizos

My immediate family, who are unsure of their Indian roots.


Es todo, hoy,
RudyG, Chicano author Rudy Ch. Garcia, wondering which tribe(s) he's lost












Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Alexie's Public Blasphemy. On-line Floricanto Penultimate of July.


Review: Sherman Alexie. Blasphemy. NY: Grove, 2012.
ISBN 9780802120397 : 0802120393

Michael Sedano


One of the book groups I belong to has a rule: no short fiction collections. The prejudice grows in part from preference for the long form, for its elaboration of character, scene and narrative. I suspect also attention deficit, because well-crafted short stories demand a reader’s focus, rewards it with intense detail and art. With the reader fully involved in a story and prepared for more, the writer ends the story. Turn the page and it’s a different character, time, place, scene.

Sherman Alexie’s 2012 collection of new and selected stories, Blasphemy, will drive long-form devotees mad, with thirty-one starts and stops, stories recited in male, female, homeless, middle class, reservation, city voices.

Covering 464 pages in hardbound, the 31 stories come upon ordinary people who find themselves in extraordinary circumstances. Each pulls together what resources come to hand. After this it’s a struggle to return to being an ordinary Indian. Alexie isn’t bad-mouthing alcoholics, mentally ill, desperately poor, conflicted, people. He’s assembled his stories because they are about ordinary people with more-or-less ordinary problems. There's the blasphemy, Indians are just any other guy named Joe. Some of them make it up as they go along. Some of them know all the songs.

There's no blasphemy in writing that’s extraordinary. Devotees of good writing and arresting stories will welcome the 31 times Alexie launches into a new story. There's never enough, no, always the lure of “what’s he going to come up with next?”

There’s the nostalgic story of faded basketball star, Frank Snake Church. He works himself into shape, holds his own in a garbage-talking challenge scrimmage against Varsity players. Here the author captures a warm moment between generations,

the aboriginal hook shot, belonged to Frank, and he danced in fast circles around the court, whooping and celebrating like a spastic idiot. I sound like some Boy Scout's idea of an Indian warrior, Frank thought, like I'm a parody, but a happy parody. . . . . The old man and the young man hugged each other and laughed. "I beat you," Frank said. "Old man," said Double 0, "you gave me a trip on your time machine."

Later in the story, “What Ever Happened To Frank Snake Church?” Alexie shows Indian people connecting not because they are Indians but because they are poor:

She reached beneath the counter again, pulled out another stack of paper, and set it beside the other stack of paper. So much paper, so much work. He didn't know why he was here; he'd come here only because his therapist had suggested it. Frank felt stupid and inadequate. He'd made a huge mistake by quitting his Forest Service job, but he could probably go back. He didn't want to go to college; he wanted to walk the quiet forests and think about nothing as often as he could. "Hey, listen," Frank said, "I've got another thing to go to. I'll come back later." "No, listen," she said, because she was poor and smart and had been poorer and was now smarter than people assumed she was. “I know this is scary. I was scared to come here. I’ll help you. I’ll take you to Stephanie.”

Poverty impacts not only individuals but entire families. Family matters occupy a preponderance of the stories in Blasphemy, including stories for single parent mothers, father-son understanding, the praxis of marriage. In “Because My Father Always Said. . . “ Alexie evokes one mother’s longing wrought by separation tempered by reason, “She'd get that look on her face that I knew meant she missed my father. Not enough to want him back. She missed him just enough for it to hurt.”

In “Do You Know Where I Am”, a couple confronts her cheating on him. This is a culmination of a lifelong lie and a bad decision. He demands to know the orifices she employed, arguing, "You don't get to feel as much pain as me. Now say it. Tell me exactly." She closed her eyes and moaned like some tortured animal, like she was the first animal feeling the first pain. I heard that sound again when she buried her mother and, thirteen months later, her father.

Indian Personhood runs throughout the stories as the linking element for these otherwise ordinary people. The ambiguity of identity itself creates provocative moments for Alexie’s characters. For example, Corliss, in “The Search Engine,” struggles to fit in as a student at Washington State.

White people, no matter how smart, were too romantic about Indians. White people looked at the Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls, the full moon, newborn babies, and Indians with the same goofy sentimentalism. Being a smart Indian, Corliss had always taken advantage of this romanticism, but that didn't mean she wanted to share the refrigerator with it. . . . . If she lived with a white person, Corliss knew she'd quickly be seen as ordinary, because she was ordinary. It's tough to share a bathroom with an Indian and continue to romanticize her.

Adjusting what she thinks she knows, and what she’s experienced, keeps Corliss’ identification processes in perpetual agitation, and because she's smart she's focused on the ambiguities:

Because she was Indian, she'd been taught to fear and hate white people. Sure, she hated all sorts of white people-the arrogant white businessmen in their wool suits, the illiterate white cheerleaders in their convertibles, the thousands of flannel-shirted rednecks who roamed the streets of Spokane-but she knew they represented the worst of whiteness. It was easy to hate white vanity and white rage and white ignorance, but what about white compassion and white genius and white poetry?

In “What You Pawn I Will Redeem,” a homeless alcoholic dreams of redemption. But he's a wino. He sets on a quest to honor his family’s memory. It’s a frustrating story of noble ideals pissed away in drink and conviviality, Bukowski without the alkie's acerbity.

I told him about my grandmother's powwow regalia and how much money I needed to buy it back. "We should call the police," he said. "I don't want to do that," I said. "It's a quest now. I need to win it back by myself."
"Can you lend me some money?" "I can't do that," he said. "If I lend you money, I have to lend money to everybody." "What can you do?" "I'll give you fifty papers for free. But don't tell anybody I did it." "Okay," I said. He gathered up the newspapers and handed them to me. I held them to my chest. He hugged me. I carried the newspapers back toward the water.

He sells a few papers, enough to buy a bottle, and dumps the unsold. When you’re a loser, redemption is an active verb, it doesn’t happen along by itself. Alexie chooses this story, “What You Pawn I Will Redeem,” as the book’s final piece.

For me, the masterpiece of the collection is the book’s penultimate title, “Basic Training,” a moving account of a highway accident, a man forced to shoot his trained donkeys. Juxtaposing the story of compassion against donkey basketball, Alexie conducts a seminar on ethos, the character:

So, yes, Deuce was the Socrates of the Carter clan. But even Deuce knew that wasn't saying much because the Carter clan currently consisted of himself, the elder Emery, and twelve donkeys. Emery Sr. and Emery Jr. were the president and vice president of Carter & Sons, one of two Donkey Basketball outfits in the Pacific Northwest and one of only ten still operating in the United States.

Each of the animals has a golfer’s name. Some have cute characteristics, like George Mikan, who drives for the basket every time. There’s Bob Cousy, a basketball dud, who survives the roll-over, but screams with agony under twisted wreckage.

Man and donkey had known each other for fifteen years. And they stared into each other’s eyes with a man’s regret and a donkey’s primal pain. But Deuce could see that Bob Cousy wanted to live. Considering how slow and clueless Bob had been as a basketball player, it was surprising to see strength in him now.

It's a brilliant example of pathos, wrenching emotion from readers in the vivid moments of truth as Deuce kills the donkeys.

Sherman Alexie’s thirty-one stories can be read serendipitously, open the book and start reading. Readers who demand the long form or have low tolerance for short fiction should read “Basic Training,” the donkey basketball story. When it ends, that reader’s turning to page one and discovering the reward of enjoying this rich collection of literary gems.


On-line Floricanto Penultimate of July.

Prejudiced Aggression by Raúl Sánchez
A Poem for All Our Murdered Youth by Jesus Cortez
Untitled by Karina Oliva
Verdict by Maritza Rivera
Trayvon In All of Us by Frank de Jesus Acosta


Prejudiced Aggression
by Raúl Sánchez


Somewhere a mother weeps
a father laments the loss
of their son, a teenager named Trayvon

profiled, haunted like a beast
because he “looked” like he was
up-to-no-good

followed by a trigger happy hunter
whose obsession with guns
whose lack of authority

chased a young kid with a hoodie on
to keep the rain off his head
walking to the closest store

to buy candy and a bottle of tea
suspicious looking in the eye
of the hunter who approached

his prey in the dark.
In the dark all cats are black
some run and hide when chased

this boy looked dark against
the pavement, the asphalt on that
moonless night

he defended himself
he fought his aggressor
he lost the fight

against leaded fire
from a coward who did not know
how to fight

but used a gun to claim
he stood his ground
meanwhile the body of Trayvon

lays below the ground



Raúl comes from a place south where the sun shines fiercely, where Indigenous and European cultures collided. An avid collector of poetry books proclaimed himself a “thrift store junkie” who occasionally volunteers as a DJ for KBCS 91.3 FM. He conducts workshops on The Day of the Dead. Featured in the program for the 2011 Burning Word Poetry Festival in Leavenworth WA He is also a Translator. His most recent work is the translation of John Burgess’ Punk Poems in his book Graffito and his ardent inaugural collection “All Our Brown-Skinned Angels” published by MoonPath Press out of Kingston WA is filled with poems of cultural identity, familial and personal, a civil protest, personal celebration, completely impassioned. His book has been nominated for the Washington State Book Award in Poetry for 2013 and available on line through the big A. or: http://moonpathpress.com additional information at: http://beyondaztlan.com




A Poem for All Our Murdered Youth
by Jesus Cortez


Home of the Brave

Here lie the bodies of our children
your children, my children,
laying next to fences,
bodies with bullets,
hungry bellies
border patrol with guns
children with hungry mouths

Here lie the remains of
a body, a child,
somebody’s daughter,
bombs made in America
paid with your money
dropped by your heroes
innocence murdered

Here lie the bodies of children
rocks in hands, last defense
no options behind walls
of shame, walls of apartheid
in the name of freedom
in the name of protecting
Israeli democracy

Here lie the hopes of a world
from Oakland to Anaheim,
California to Sanford, Florida,
to the Arizona border,
to Iraq, to Afghanistan,
to Palestine, to Chiapas,
to Guerrero, Mexico

death will be our freedom
in this home of the brave.





The Verdict
by Karina Oliva

This injustice stabs my body, hurts my consciousness, almost unbearable
How many black men have served time, have had their lives stolen, on less
Than circumstantial evidence?
To be proven innocent too late
And here again a murdered child on trial
Remember too, Latasha Harlins.

How many tears cried, lives broken?
We asked for justice again, and again justice is denied
With the same foolery. We are supposed to just buy into this
That this is somehow not anti-black
Yet, a child profiled and assumed guilty for being
Tears burst from my body driven by the memory of every mother who asked for justice;
I am Trayvon Martin

If it bothers that I may say this, ask yourself why
We are Trayvon Martin

If the jurors had seen him as their son too, maybe justice would have been granted
The way the people wanted
To give his parents justice
Forced to hear their son wailing for help with his last breath
Instead of cradling his first cry into this world, trusting
Trusting us, this world, in trust
We failed Trayvon Martin

An injustice committed before even stalked while walking home
With the double talk
When we tell our children to run when approached by an aggressor and if caught, to fight
To save their lives
Unless we are like Trayvon Martin

This ache inflicted by their verdict
Will not be buried away
Cannot ever be again
For the sake of us all
And the memory of Trayvon Martin.


Karina Oliva has published in Mujeres de Maiz Zine, hispanicLA.com, La Bloga, and Poets Responding to SB1070. She is an original member of the poetry collective EndDependence, and edited an anthology of poetry, Desde el epicentro in 2007. Her books of poems is titled, Transverse (2009) published by Izote Press. Most recently, her poems are part of the ¡Ban This! The BSP Anthology of Xicana/o Literature (2012). She currently teaches on U.S. Central American and Chicana/o topics in the Chicana and Chicano Studies Department at UCLA. You can reach her on fb or at karinaoliva@ucla.edu.







Verdict
by Maritza Rivera


Wearing a hoodie
anywhere in this country
should not cost your life!



Maritza Rivera (aka Mariposa) is a Puerto Rican poet who lives in Rockville, MD. She has been writing poetry for over forty years and is the creator of a short form of poetry called Blackjack. Maritza is the author of About You; A Mother’s War, written during her son’s two tours in Iraq; Baker’s Dozen; Twenty-One: Blackjack Poems and her work appears in literary magazines, anthologies and online publications. Maritza is a contributor to Poets Responding to SB1070, a supporter of the Memorial Day Writers Project (MDWP) and participates in the Warrior Poetry Project at the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center in Bethesda, MD. She was the recipient of a 2012 BID International Writing Fellowship in Bahia, Brazil and has been accepted to attend the 2013 Bread Loaf Writers Conference in Sicily. Maritza also serves on the Board of Directors of Split This Rock in Washington, DC and hosts the annual Mariposa Poetry Retreat at the Capital Retreat Center in Waynesboro, PA.





Trayvon In All of Us
by Frank de Jesus Acosta


Trayvon in you, Trayvon in me; yearning for justice that leads to peace
Everyone’s child, beautiful ancient bloodline prince; taken from us all too soon
The malevolent hand of racism, cloaked in the veil of the vanguard creed
Born suspect, tried, convicted, and killed for the crime of being you
To be Black and hues of Brown in America is to be devalued as a human-being
Yes! Arrest the killer, but also arrest the disease; for bigotry unchecked is contagious
Wake up America, bear witness in truth to the color of poverty and privilege
The pendulum of justice is a sledgehammer on some, a larceny license for others
Prison plantations smack of Antebellum, deportations south, a new trail of tears
The “hood” has risen as the symbol of justice under a banner of solidarity
Trayvon’s tragic murder, is emblematic of what ails this promise land
Trayvon in you, Trayvon in me must manifest as the power of love
Violence begets violence, hate begets hate; the good road is virtue, dignity, & truth
No bullets of vengeance, nor making of another martyr, shall heal these open wounds
Ancient bloodline prince clutched the sweetness of many colors in his hands
Trayvon in you, Trayvon in me; the sweetness of many colors is Trayvon in us



Frank de Jesus Acosta is a writer and the principal strategist of Acosta & Associates, a California-based consultant group that specializes in community change ventures facilitated by non-profit management, organization capacity-building, fund development, project research/planning/development, and initiative management activities targeting philanthropic, non-profit, government institutions. Acosta is a graduate of University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA). Acosta’s professional experience includes serving as a Sr. Program Officer with The California Wellness Foundation, as well as executive leadership tenures with the Coalition for Humane Immigration Rights of Los Angeles (CHIRLA), Downtown Immigrant Advocates (DIA), National Center for Community Change, and the UCLA Community Programs Office. In 2007, Acosta authored a book published by the Arte Publico Press Hispanic Civil Rights Series, University of Houston, “The History of Santa Cruz Barrios Unidos, Cultura Es Cura, Healing Community Violence.”

Saturday, July 06, 2013

Latino conferences. Writing contest. Arte, Sacramento


National Latino Writers Conference 2014

Mark your calendars and get your writing ready. This conference will be back next year. Go here to sign up for the E-list and receive details as they develop.


- - - - 

Also, over on LinkedIn's Latino and Latina Writers Group, there's an interesting discussion begun by Nylda Dieppa-Aldarondo with Sandra Ramos O'Briant, Daniel Olivas et al about conferences for Latin@ writers. You can read and join it here.


Writing contest

"Each year Blue Mesa Review holds a writing contest. We are honored to announce that Sherman Alexie (fiction) and Michael Dickman (poetry) are the 2013 judges. Submit your very best prose and poetry online.

"First place winners receive a cash prize and publication in Blue Mesa Review. We look forward to reading your work!"

Submission Period: June 1 – August 31, 2013
Award Publication, $250 cash prize
Eligibility: This competition is open to original English language works in the genres of poetry and fiction. The submission must be an unpublished work. Simultaneous submissions are acceptable. Authors must not have a close personal or professional relationship with any current or previous BMR staff members.
Reading Fee: $12
What We’re Looking For: Startling, compelling, and beautiful original work. We’re looking for fresh prose and powerful poetry.
Guidelines: Submissions are accepted exclusively through our online submissions manager, Submittable. Entries must be received no later than August 31. Submit a packet of up to 3 poems or up to 6,000 words of prose. Results will be announced mid-October.



The Folk Art Of Emmanuel Archuleta

Closing Reception at Spanglish Arte, Saturday, July 13, 2013, 6:00 - 10:00pm
2nd Saturday Art Exhibit of Emmanuel Archuleta
It's Going To Be Caliente Caliente!!!
Roll Thru And Cool Off With Local Art, Music, Sangria And Paletas!
Spanglish Arte
2512 J Street, Sacramento, Califas
Go here for map, directions and info.
https://www.facebook.com/events/478645548890766/

Es todo, hoy,
RudyG

Sunday, June 16, 2013

To the Best Bad Dad in the World: A Tribute to My Fragmented Father

Olga García Echeverría

I have a fond memory of my father. In the 11th grade, as part of a school fundraiser, I had to sell glazed donuts. I took home 4 dozen with nothing but good intentions, but since donuts are a weakness of mine, I ate one and then another. Originally, this was not a big concern. Each donut was .50 cents and I figured I could afford a few dollars worth. But as the days passed, I sold nothing; I didn’t even try. Instead, I peered at the aging donuts in the cardboard box, whispered “sorry” to some invisible Donut God, and devoured another. Before I knew it my debt had skyrocketed. When I did the math, I owed the school close to $20.00. This was a lot of money for a teenager in 1986. I had no idea how I was going to pay. My father, who understood the pressure of debt, must have picked up on my anxiety. I had about five donuts left when he said, Ya comételas, mija. ¡Yo te las pago todas! And he did, all 4 dozen.

I can share this story now, but there was a time when I was so angry at my father that I believed I had no good memories of him. For years, I completely blocked memories like the one above. Yes, it was a bit dysfunctional of him to simply pay for all the donuts I had eaten (encouraging my emotional eating like that), but it was also tender, especially for someone who rarely showed affection. For most of his life, my father was a hardcore alcoholic. Although he could sometimes be a harmless drunk mumbling to himself at the kitchen table, he was more often than not explosive. Yelling curses, breaking things, and raising fists in the air were a few of his fortes.

Mostly this was due to his childhood wounds. My paternal grandfather had been shot and killed when my dad was just a toddler, and later my grandmother remarried and “lent” my father out as a farmhand to an uncle who beat and berated him regularly. I don’t know why my grandmother “lent out” my dad or if she did it willfully—there are many gaps in the story--but I do know my father lived with a deep sense of abandonment thereafter. The years he spent with that uncle also scarred him for life; they crippled his ability to give and accept love; they filled him with pain and rage.  Alcohol became his life-long anesthesia.



Wallet & toy gun found in dad's old suitcase
Patriarchy screwed my father. It gave him a limited and oppressive definition of manhood. In short: guns, liquor, lots of women, and violence. Patriarchy rooted him on, encouraging irrational, destructive behavior. I’m remembering him drunk on our porch in East LA, shooting bullets into the night sky on the 4th of July. This made him feel like a real man. I’m also remembering him packing his gun into a leather bowling bag and insisting on taking it grocery shopping. According to my father, one never knew what could go down at the local Johnson’s market on Whittier Boulevard. Once, he actually got into a showdown in the parking lot with someone else’s alcoholic Mexican father who, like my dad, had packed a gun to go shopping. Hijole! Were they from the same pinche rancho or what? Both of them had probably seen way too many John Wayne movies. Nobody got shot or maimed that day thanks to the women and children on both sides of the showdown; we had to literally drag our fathers into their respective station wagons.


Picture of Indio-looking dad
I can laugh now, but growing up with my dad was crazy. Aside from patriarchy, colonization también lo chingó. It taught him caste and color. It fed him self-hate. In his eyes, everything wrong with my mother was a result of her pinche sangre Yaqui. He talked a lot of Yaqui shit, my dad, but at times in the middle of a Yaqui curse, he’d go into a monologue about how fierce they were, what great warriors, how they resisted the Spanish and then the Mexicans like no other tribe. Buenos para luchar los Yaquis! There was an overtone of awe and respect. My father wasn’t an Aztec, or a Toltec, or a Yaqui. He was a colonized Mestizo (and a borracho to boot) who’d long lost the thread of his own indigenous ancestry. When he cursed the Yaqui, he was cursing the long-lost Indio in himself.

I have a folder titled DAD that is full of all the scraps of poems, letters, essays, stories I’ve tried to write about my father over the years. When I sit down to tackle my papa drama in words, there is always an initial outpour of red-hot emotions—hurt, anger, wounded love—but before long, the momentum fizzles (red-hot emotions are exhausting) and another unfinished piece gets stuffed into the folder.

In a recent interview on PBS, Bill Moyers asked Sherman Alexie if his writing was cathartic. Alexie chuckled and answered, “No.” There was something cathartic about hearing Sherman Alexie say that his writing was not cathartic. He added, “I think it can be healing for readers. You know, I have been helped and healed by other people’s words. But I, my own words for myself, oh man, I don’t think so.”

Perhaps I was laughing because a part of me understood. Although I believe writing can be healing, there is also that other side of writing—the one that claws at the most vulnerable parts of us. The one that haunts and hurts like the jagged pieces of my father stuffed into a manila folder.

In her poem, “Tepalcate a tepalcate,” Elba Rosario Sánchez writes about how Spanish colonization in the Americas broke us, both physically and spiritually. Tepalcate, Elba notes at the onset of her poem, is a Nahuatl word which means “fragmento de una pieza de barro quebrada.” Through the generations of violence and racism, we became broken pieces of clay, dispersed. At the end of Elba’s poem, we (esos pedazos rotos) stand before each other as if standing before a mirror, tepalcate a tepalcate. We recognize one other through time and space. “Somos caras en relieve,” writes Elba, “de una misma pieza.”

When I open my DAD folder, this is what I see—tepalcates. The fragments are not only reflections of me; they are splintered pieces of American history. My father first migrated from Mexico to the U.S. in the late 1940’s, when he was in his early twenties. It was a time of overt racism, “unofficial segregation,” where signs that read No Dogs or Mexicans Allowed reflected a national, deep-seeded fear and hate for Mexicanos.

Like many migrants of his time, my father did not join the Bracero Program. Instead, he crossed and worked illegally, sin papeles. Much like today, deportations were rampant, and my father recalls being deported numerous times. Pero yo siempre regresaba al siguiente día, he says defiantly.

For years, my father followed the crops up and down California, working in pesticide-sprayed fields and in slave-like conditions. He tells stories of being “promoted” in the fields at some point and becoming a migrant camp cook, feeding close to a hundred workers a day. For several years in the 1960’s he worked for the Southern Pacific Railroad Company. And later, when he settled in Los Angeles, he was gardener and handyman for White man, warehouse packer, factory worker, security guard.

Through the years, I’ve recovered other memories of my father that challenge my previously held belief that he was a one-dimensional monster, like memories of him sacrificing to take us to the most elegant of downtown restaurants—Clifton’s Cafeteria. We were ecstatic as we slid our food trays along the silver rail, scanning the steaming meats, mashed potatoes, gravy, cake slices and bright-colored gelatins. Agarren lo que quieran, my father would say as if we were rich, and our small hands would reach out, grabbing.

Or the memory of him in the kitchen baking cinnamon bread from scratch. He’d shed his machoness then, put on an apron and play chef. He had sazón and everything he made was delicious. Chile chipotle salsa. Birria. Barbacoa. Tortas de camaron con nopalitos. Homemade chorizo. Deep fried donuts (the root of my donut obsession).

There is the memory of him coming home after a long day of work and throwing himself on the couch like a falling giant, moaning, Aiii, Aiii. ¡Quítenme las botas! He gave us quarters, nickels and dimes for taking off his heavy boots and pulling out his blooming grey hairs, all our fingers eagerly digging into his scalp, searching. I loved the feel of his dark wavy hair and the smile of surrender on his face.

Portrait of dad with wavy hair sans canas
 
There were also the fruits and vegetables he seeded in whatever little niche of dirt he could find. We lived right by the 710 freeway where concrete and smog ruled, but he made of our immediate surroundings a small garden. We had corn, sprawling chayote, an orange tree, sugar cane stalks that grew twice our size. He sliced open the stalks with his navaja and gave us and the neighborhood kids pieces to chew. We sucked on the sweet juicy stalks until they became stringy mush in our mouths.

My father wasn’t a monster. True, when he staggered around the house unable to express himself he reminded me of Frankenstein. When he beat his fist against his inflated chest he reminded me of King Kong. When he threw his fits and roared, he resembled Godzilla. But in the end, weren’t these monsters misunderstood and mistreated beasts? Poor Frankenstein, created and then abandoned. King Kong taken from his homeland (for capitalistic interests) and displayed as a freak in the good old U.S.A. Even Godzilla, the most destructive of monsters, was conceived by the Japanese imagination post the nuclear bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Destruction breeds destruction and even “The Bad” are multilayered stories waiting to be told and understood.

Which brings me to the act of excavating and piecing together tepalcates in an attempt to get a more comprehensive picture. I was going through one of my father’s old suitcases a few days ago, organizing. I found some treasures. Among them a Father’s Day card I gave him when I was a child. I have no recollection of making him this card and it’s not dated, but gathering from the writing and bad spelling, I’m guessing early elementary school. What child doesn’t want the fantasy “Best Dad In the World”? Despite my home reality I gave my father a card that reflected that deseo, esa fantasía. The funny thing is I misspelled “dad” and instead the card reads: To the best bad in the world. Happy Father’s Day! Freudian slip?
 

I’m not sure whose terrycloth I massacred in the making of this card and it’s obvious that colonization también me chingo a mí, since my father appears as a pink-skinned, light-haired, blue-eyed beach boy in striped shorts. There is so much more to say, but I will leave you with these few sentimental fragments and with a shout out to all the fragmented fathers, daughters, and sons out there who are trying to put themselves back together again, one tepalcate at a time.