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| An old photo of my grandmother with her dog Oso |
Last week, my grandmother's longtime doctor
released her from the hospital. He said there was nothing more he could do for
her. She's had congestive heart failure, two strokes, open heart surgery, and blood
clot surgery on her leg. Since December, he's been preparing our family for the
inevitable, our matriarch's death. She is now at home. I've spent the past two
weeks, changing her diapers, feeding her through a tube, and attending to her pain
medicines, laundry, and hygiene.
Although
the doctor only gave her days, it looks as though she may have months. Her
suffering is prolonged due to the same doctor who inserted a feeding tube in
her belly.
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| My grandmother meets her great granddaughter, Audrey Rose. |
When
I go, I want to make sure no one ever puts a peg tube in me or keeps me alive
beyond life's natural course. She has said that she has died three times
over the duration of her life and has been called back each time. Her daily
expressions about truly wanting to finally die are frustrating and selfish (I
don't want this to happen on my watch). Although she has asked me numerous
times to help end her life with a gun or a knife, this is not an option for me.
She will have to take her last breath on her own. I do, however, wish her the
quickest peace. But she is fierce and strong, and getting stronger under our
loving care. She just might make it to her 87th birthday next month.
*in case you missed the previous installation of this series:
